Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
