I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
