I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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