laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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