I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
