i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
