Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
