You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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