Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
