I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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