I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
