before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
