my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
BRING THE BAGELS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
