He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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