Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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