I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
