Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
