why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
