this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
