dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
