This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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