I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
