Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
