and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
