are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
