you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
