Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
