Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
