i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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