Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
