If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
