she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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