All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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