You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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