you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
