Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
