dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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