I seem to have left my pride at pride
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
