is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i believe in u and ur pee
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
