We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
