I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
