im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
