Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
