You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
