and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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