I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
