i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you didnt know i had herpes?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
