I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
