You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
