Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
