I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
