i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
