Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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